A WORD FOR FATHERS...
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1- THE POWER OF LISTENING - I recall a heated argument my son Matthew and I had when he was 16. I don’t remember the details of our argument, but I do remember its intensity. It became so heated I thought it would come to blows. I finally shouted at him: “What do you want from me, boy?”
He turned and looked at me. His face was red, his eyes filed with tears. He spoke clearly: “Dad - I want you to listen!” He had me. I was guilty as charged. I always knew what I thought he should do, or so I thought. But what he often wanted, and needed from me, was a father who would listen. Being a cop I usually think I know what my kids should do in just about any situation. I’m trained to direct people onto the right path. And, of course, there is a place for doing this. But if your fathering methods are primarily you giving advice, you’ve shot yourself in the foot. You will turn them off. James 1:19 tells us to “be quick to listen, slow to speak...” This is some of the best advice a father can ever heed. Next time your kids strike up a conversation with you, try listening. Don’t interrupt with advice. Don’t say anything. Listen to them as if the world depends on it. You will make a lasting impression on them. Furthermore, you will discover that they will come to you often. And after a while you will notice that they covet your advice. Listening to them will win their heart and trust. Once you win their heart, they will be more open than ever in matters that you once thought they'd never share. They will tell you all kinds of things. But remember, you must win them, and the winning is done by means of listening. When Jesus arrived at the grave of Lazarus he let everyone speak their mind. Mary and Martha complained to him about his absence, reminding him that if he’d been there earlier, Lazarus would still be alive. I love the fact that Jesus just let them talk - spill their guts, so to speak. He knew they needed to let out some pent-up frustration. And when they escorted him to the grave, we are told that he wept. He would have something to say in time, but for now he chose to enter into their grief and share their sorrow. When my daughter Rachel was in the 7th grade she tried out for cheerleader. She didn’t make it. She came home that night hurt, and sobbed like a baby. Her sisters (Stephani, Katey, and Lydia) were there when she got home. All of us together joined with Rachel and sobbed for an hour! No advice, no “there’s always next year.” Nope, none of that. We just all cried. We were communicating (she got cheerleader the next year!). Weeping with your child is another is another way of listening. CLICK HERE FOR PAGE 2 OF THIS ARTICLE |
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