HOUSTON COP'S STORY
By Ed Swannie (retired)

I have been a Houston Police Officer since February 1982. This was a time in my life that my wife, Carole, and I had just returned to each other after months of separation. We returned to what we thought to be a time where we could give our marriage another try.

Even though it was I who walked away from her after nine years, Carole never gave up on us. We had two small girls at this time. It was my fault that we broke up for those few months in 1981, and it was only because of the fact that there was something missing in my life; an EMPTINESS, a VOID...



At any rate, Carole and I decided to give our marriage all that we could give it, especially for the kids. I guess this was my own reasoning, "especially for the kids." We went to church on Sundays, well, most Sundays. 

At this time, Ed was only concerned with what Ed wanted, and to heck with anyone else. I didn't care about anyone else. I had hatred inside of me that at times I couldn't even stand. When someone would tell me that I was prejudice, I would look at them straight in the eye and say, "I'm not prejudice, I just hate everybody." Sound familiar fellow officer? 



There was a void inside of me. Alcohol didn't fill it, selfishness didn't fill it, and hate didn't fill it. I didn't know what to do to take care of that inner need. Then one day it happened. I found another woman! I remember in the academy veteran officers would come in and tell us, "Whatever you do, if you married men have a 'chip' (i.e. girlfriend) on the side, don't ever marry her."

Well, that stuck in my mind. Not to worry though, I'm not in it for a relationship. Boy, did I ever talk myself into that one! Not only did I get myself caught up in a relationship, but I broke the unwritten code of police "ethics." Carole and I got divorced and I married my "chip." Like most "chips," she was a lot younger than me. It didn't last long, though. She moved back to California and we divorced.



Well, I'll tell you the truth; there was so much stress in my life at this time, mentally, physically, and financially, that I attempted suicide. No, not your typical run-of-the-mill type, taking pills and wimping out on a painless death, but the kind where you take your .357 magnum and place it to your head. With the gun pointing at my head, I said to myself, "look, if you're going to do it, someone in the department should know."

This was after I wrote a "goodbye, by the time you get this letter, I won't be around" to my second "ex" and mailed it.

 After making attempts to contact someone in the department, and not getting a call back, I sat down on the dining room floor and put the gun to my head. I pulled the hammer back, knowing that this gun had a "hair trigger," and pulled on the trigger.

For some reason it wouldn't go off! I said to myself, "yeah, you're just chickening out." Then I heard IT. It was a voice that stopped me dead in my tracks. Not an audible voice, but a voice that came into my conscience. It said in a loud voice, "hey, what about your two beautiful little girls"? Man, this blew my mind! I dropped the gun and began to cry (something else a cop is NOT supposed to do.)


CLICK HERE TO READ THE CONCLUSION OF THIS STORY
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Somewhere between 200 and 500 police officers commit suicide every year.

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International Cops for Christ has been around for years. CLICK HERE to go to their website.

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The Fellowship of Christian Police Officers is an excellent site for those who love the Lord and are in law-enforcement. Click on the image to visit the site.