_In the 3 decades I’ve worked as a cop, I can only begin to imagine how many domestic disputes I have been sent to. If I had to guess, I would say several thousand. There is simply no way I can recount the number.
However, as I contemplate the many disputes I have been to, whether between married couples or neighbors, I cannot but help notice something I have NOT seen over the years. Perhaps I could count on one hand the number of times I have seen this. I have noticed its absence in the lives of people I go to church with, cops I work with, and neighbors I live near.
And what is it?
I rarely - hardly ever - meet a man who is willing to take a long hard look at what HE is doing wrong that is destroying his wife, marriage, his family, and even his own life.
That is a sight I hardly ever see...
Most of the men I know who struggle in their relationships are unwilling to look at what trouble may be in their own heart, and how it may be destroying them. Put simply, most men I know are primarily committed to their own happiness, and though they would not voice it, they exhibit a habit of “To hell with everybody else!” But they can easily, and quickly, tell you what is wrong with their wife...
She doesn’t give me good sex anymore...
I just don’t love her anymore...
She doesn’t take care of herself anymore...
She’s not the same woman I married...
Blah, blah, blah, blah....
They are quick to blame their wife, their children, their boss, their fellow church members, friends - they’ll even blame the President; but rarely do they have the courage to admit: I HAVE SCREWED UP!
Larry was a good cop. He and his wife Rhonda divorced. She took their son and moved to the east coast; Larry moved to the west coast. How is that even possible? How could he let his son go? “I see him in the summer time, and on other occasions,” he would argue. How utterly selfish of him. If my wife of 32 plus years wakes up tomorrow and says, “I’m divorcing you, and the kids and I are leaving Texas and moving to New York.” Then by the end of the month I will be a New Yorker, also.
Paul the Apostle was right, in the last days “men shall be lovers of their own selves” (2 Timothy 3:2).
King David was the second King of Israel. One day he screwed up bad. As he strolled across his balcony, he looked across the street and saw the beautiful Bathsheba - taking a bath! She was totally nude, and David’s eyes got the best of him. He brought her to his palace and slept with her.
But she was a married woman...
And David lost control. He couldn’t - wouldn’t - stop there. His lust burned even hotter. Not content for a one-night stand, David managed to get her husband killed in battle. Now he could have Bathsheba all to himself.
But God saw the whole thing...
A preacher named Nathan was sent to speak with David. He told David about a man who had stole another man’s lamb and had broken the man’s heart. “Bring him here and I will have him put to death!” David demanded.
Nathan looked David straight in the eyes and said, “YOU ARE THAT MAN!” David was had.
But his response saved him.
David made no excuses for his behavior. He offered no explanation for his sinful deed. He didn’t complain that he was simply lonely that night and needed female companionship. Nope, none of that. So what did David do? The Bible says...
Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
(2 Samuel 12:13)
And if you ever hope to be a better man, you must adopt David’s attitude: if your sin is pointed out, you must respond honestly by admitting you have messed-up.
But you probably won’t...
More than likely your pride will get in the way and you’ll blame your wife, your kids, your job, your boss, or anyone else you can think of.
Years ago I had a terrible temper. I was always flying off the handle. Here I was a full time cop, the husband of a great wife, the father of 6 wonderful kids, and the pastor of a church at the time. But my anger was killing me. What was I to do? I felt like such a hypocrite.
I got help. I said, “To hell with what others think. To hell with my reputation, my name, or what others think of me. To hell with that.” And then I made my way to a counselor’s office, and I went there for 6 months, until I found some relief.
Will you, sir, humble yourself under the mighty hand of God? Will you place yourself before God and ask Him what YOU are doing wrong - not what she is doing wrong?
You probably won’t.
But perhaps there is a man out there who longs to be a better man, who longs to have a wife that will respect him, children who look up to him. It is to you I write, in the hope that you will lay aside your concern for your reputation and seek the face of Almighty God.
Christian men can be some of the meanest around. They put on their Sunday-best, but for some it’s all a show. His wife knows he’s a beast. She knows about his lustful eyes, his terrible temper, his flirting ways. She knows. And God knows. And there will be a day of reckoning.
You have harped on your wife and told her the Bible says she should be submissive. In doing this you have screwed up royally. You have failed to see that in the same passage, YOU are commanded to love your wife as Jesus loved the church and gave himself for it! (See Ephesians 5) You are a Pharisee, sir; you have a log in your eyes, thus you are not qualified to get the speck out of your wife’s eye! (Matthew 7).
You’re a hypocrite.
But you need not be. Things can be different.
But, the change you so desperately need will never occur as long as you demand others’ cooperation and submission. YOU MUST LAY ASIDE ALL OF YOUR DEMANDS! All of them. You must take them to the cross and nail them there.
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