IF YOU ARE A VICTIM OF ABUSE, CAREFULLY STUDY THE FOLLOWING, ALL OF WHICH CAN HELP YOU START YOUR NEW LIFE...

Why do you stay with him? There are THREE main reasons..

REASON NUMBER 1

Most abused women have at least one minor child.
Many abused women are not employed outside the home.
Many abused women don't have property that is solely theirs.
In many cases, abusers have cut off access to cash or bank accounts.

Most abused women fear losing joint assets and custody of their children. Abused women fear a lower standard of living for themselves and their children.

Lack of resources.

REASON NUMBER 2 - Responses by services and authorities

Often, clergy and social workers are trained to "save the family" rather than to stop violence.

Police often treat incidents of domestic violence as mere "disputes" rather than as serious crimes in which one person is physically assaulting another.

Police may try to discourage women from pressing criminal charges.

Attorneys are often reluctant to prosecute cases. Justices rarely assign the maximum sentence or fine possible.

Restraining orders and peace bonds do little to prevent abusers from repeating their violent patterns of behavior. Sadly, there are too few shelters to keep women safe.

REASON NUMBER 3 - Traditional thinking

Many women don't view divorce as a viable alternative.

Many abused women don't accept the notion of single parenting. They believe a bad father (or in the case of a lesbian relationship, a bad partner) is better than none at all.

Many women are conditioned to believe they are responsible for making their marriage or relationship work; that if the relationship fails, they have failed as women. Society has often taught these women that their worth is measured by their ability to get and keep a man.

Many abused women feel isolated from their families and from society. Isolation is either the result of the abuser's possessiveness or jealousy, or it may be an attempt on the part of the victim to hide signs of abuse from the outside world. Either way, such isolation leads many victims to feel they have nowhere to turn.

Many victims externalize or rationalize the reasons for their abuser's behavior, casting blame of circumstances such as stress, financial hardship, job stress, chemical dependency, etc.

Between violent episodes, there are periods of calm during which the abuser is charming, nurturing, and caring. Those traits which initially attracted him/her to his/her victim resurface and the victim sees her abuser as a loving person, thereby reinforcing her decision to stay.

HOW TO GET OUT...

 Getting help
- Tell someone what is happening to you.
- Learn about resources in your community.
- Know your legal rights.
- Seek counseling.
- Join a support group.
- Keep active.

CAN YOU MAKE IT WITHOUT HIM?

By getting out of a physically abusive relationship, you have already taken the first steps to moving forward and getting on with your life. Now that you have secured your physical safety, you need to take care of your emotional and mental well being by taking steps to regain your ability to trust and to rebuild your self-
Things You'll Need:
Temporary Restraining Order
Personal Protection Order
New phone number

Step 1- 
Cut off all contact. Change your phone number, don't speak to her, don't speak to her friends and avoid every place you know he frequents. If you have children, have a social worker or the court systems handle any child support or visitation issues.

Step 2
 - Be proactive. You may think he will never hurt you again but you can never be too sure. Get a Personal Protection Order or a Temporary Restraining Order to help prevent him from coming after you and hurting you again. If he does, he will go straight to jail.

Step 3
 - Take in active role in your recovery. It doesn't happen on its own with the passage of time. You need to actively confront your emotional issues in order to move on with you life in a healthy manner.

Step 4
 - Get professional help. This will help you to deal with your emotions and get the support you need. Find a therapist or join a support group for victims of physical abuse. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE to get the help you need.

Step 5 - 
Keep you loved ones close. People that love you want to see you safe and you need their help and support right now. When they offer help, take it.

Step 6
 - Understand that this relationship does not define you. You are no longer a victim of physical abuse. You are a survivor. Take that strength and allow that to define the person you are.

Step 7
 - Choose happiness. There will be good days and bad days when moving on and past this time period of your life. Remind yourself of the things that make you happy and the things for which you are grateful like supportive friends and a loving family.

TIPS AND WARNINGS...

Take your time. Cuts and bruises heal much faster then emotional scars. Take your time with your emotions so you know that your recovery will be complete and whole.


Let your loved ones help. Allow them to support you when you find you cannot support yourself. You need to know that you are loved unconditionally, let them help you know that.


Do not take one phone call, not one message, not one email. He will only try to make you believe he will change and never hurt you again. All the promises he has surely already made but never kept.


Don't feel guilty because you left. This will only make you feel as if everything was all your fault. It wasn't your fault when the abuse was happening and it isn't your fault that you left as a result.